Diary: I AM VERY SICK! & Now That I Have Your Attention – Please Read This! (No, It’s Not Clickbait)

Hello friends! This is just a short diary post & a quick life update.

I am still working! Still working hard at a “real” job. It is very hard; I’ve had some issues with fatigue & treating my hands properly. Since I am now arthritic, it doesn’t take much to get me into an arthritic flare. Usually, I am triggered by cold temperatures. Right now, my circulation in my hands is very bad because of the flare – the inflammation cuts circulation off to my fingers, so they look white or blue much of the time.

Why am I telling you this? For pity? Clickbait? No, definitely not. I’m trying to speak candidly about my illness(es) & raise awareness for them.

I just put out a few resources last night: here’s my YouTube video, titled “My Illness Is Not Your Inspiration!!!” Here’s a short introductory clip – click here to watch all of it. I really hope you do. Disabled or abled, young or old, I hope all of you can either learn something or feel like you can relate to what I am saying (here is a link to the full thing).

Have you heard of Hospital Glam? If not, you should check them out here (on Tumblr)

What is #HospitalGlam? According to the Tumblr:

“#HospitalGlam is a movement for and by people with invisible disabilities that started by appropriating fashion imagery and reinserting it into medical environments using bodies that don’t outwardly present as sick or disabled. #HospitalGlam is about contextualizing ourselves inside an often alienating environment in order to assert our rights as patients & better our treatments. By taking #HospitalGlam photos and posting them on social media, patients increase awareness in their communities and with doctors.”

I cannot emphasize how much#HospitalGlam has given me confidence even when I felt like I had none. It allows you to pretend to be confident. By pretending, you become more confident. This is something I truly believe. Here is something I wrote a while back, pertaining to #HospitalGlam:

“i have crohn’s disease & inflammatory arthritis. these illnesses have crushed some dreams & have ruined many a date/outing/even a vacation.Β i am not proud of my illness, but i am proud of how i have come to deal with it. every day is a learning process. i still cry many tears over it – i still get angry about the cards i was dealt. but if someone had told me two years ago that i would have shaved my head, dressed up in high-heeled boots & fancy sunglasses to go to a doctor’s appointment – then POSED in front of a chart of the digestive tract…i would have laughed in your face. this seems to be a common thing. the old me would have laughed at the thought of me even daring to do such a thing.

i am proud of the progress i have made – if not physically, then mentally. these are issues that will affect my personal life, my careers, my schooling, my relationships…for the rest of my life. i get joy & confidence for a moment when i make a “glam” pose in front of something that is so funny! no! crohn’s is not a “bathroom disease” – it is a serious, sometimes life-threatening one. some things are getting better, others are not. but my mind is healing, & every day, i learn more about myself, my illness, & how to deal with it. i am grateful for the friends & connections i have made. i am grateful to have a family that supports me. i am grateful to have gotten out of a situation with a manipulative doctor. i am heartbroken over a diagnosis i got over two years ago, but i am still grateful for what i have today. it has shaped me as a person. like it or not, i will give my disease that. for better or for worse, i have learned to be as unapologetic about myself & my illness as possible. & i love myself for it. thank you for creating a platform that inspired me to flaunt my beauty – because beauty is present…even in chronically ill or disabled people! how about that. much love.”

I hope you check out #HospitalGlam’s Tumblr! They are an amazing resouce for people with invisible illnesses. I also encourage abled peopel to take a peek. We can’t continue to raise awareness without abled people listening, learning, & sharing our experiences.

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Much love to all of you! I’m continuing to learn & I hope you are, too. Stay tuned for some posts containing my own writing – mostly pertaining to chronic illness, but also on other topics! Remember: I’m more than my illness & all that, yeah?

Also: check out the hashtag #DisabledAndCute on Twitter – it is filled with lovely photographs of chronically ill/disabled people showing off their beauty – whether in a hospital or out. It’s a great movement, & one I always talk about when I can.

 

I am trying to remain positive despite everything. September will be a hard month. I should be at school, but I am not. That sucks – but I’m making a great effort to make connections with people, meet new people, love new friends/people – & old. I know that I will come out of this a better person.

Have a lovely Friday (& stay tuned for Fenty Beauty reviews when my products arrive).

Love,

Sof ❀

P.S. Don’t call me strong πŸ™‚ or inspirational πŸ˜‰

P.P.S. I am trying to make more YouTube videos, but have no earthly idea of what topics I should cover. Suggestions appreciated!

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