This has got to be the most common question I get online. “What ARE you???” “Why can’t you just fucking say you’re bi/pan?” “Why do you talk about ‘being gay’ when you clearly like guys too?”
Well…here’s the answer, plain & simple:
I don’t feel like any of those things.
“Gay” is something I use as an umbrella term to describe myself. That’s because I can be attracted to any gender/sexual identity! I used to describe myself as “queer” but stopped doing that, since it’s used as a slur & other LGBT people may be uncomfortable when that word is used around them – something I completely understand.
So, yeah…I’m “gay.” But really…I don’t know what I am!
Since 8th grade (probably even before!) I was questioning who I liked – & why. I was analyzing myself, what I liked, who I liked, why I liked them, etc. This continued for…over 5 years. I spent 5 years of my life worrying (on & off) about “what I was.”
Finally…I stopped thinking about it. I stopped caring. Because you know what? To me, it doesn’t matter.
Labels can be super comforting for people. I get that! It’s amazing to feel like you’re part of something amazing, loving, & supportive.
As for myself? I still feel like I’m a part of the LGBT community – because I am!!! I am absolutely a part of the LGBT community. I like girls! I like guys! (less so, but still!) I like who I like.
After I shaved my head (see this article) I started getting a lot of questions about my gender. What pronouns did I prefer? Was I a girl? Was I a boy? Was I gender neutral?
My answer? I don’t think about it.
Truly! You can call me whatever you want. It doesn’t phase me. In daily life, I think I’ll always go by she/her. I have always felt in tune with my femininity, & I proudly took part in the Women’s March in February of 2017. I don’t feel the need to change the way I look. I feel (for the most part) comfortable with my “feminine” body.
But call me what you want! It won’t insult me, it won’t phase me, it won’t make me start to question myself again. I’ve been through that. It’s stressful, it takes up so much time (seriously…so much time) & I have come to the personal conclusion that I’ll never have a label for myself. None of them really seem to stick.
What am I? Who am I?
I’m Sof! I’m ⚲, I’m me, I’m sof. I never felt good with any label, not pan, not bi, not lesbian. I just am. I am LGBT. I like who I like, when I like, & I have love for all of my LGBT brothers, sisters, & siblings. Infinite love.
For those of you who’ve found a label that you’re comfortable with: that’s amazing!!! I love you!
For those of you who haven’t found a label & stress out about not having one: that’s okay!!! You’re still part of the LGBT community. The LGBT community is loving, supportive, & accepting. We welcome all with open arms. Anyone who tells you that you not labelling yourself is wrong…well, they’re actually the wrong ones. Do what makes you comfortable. If you feel like no one does the same thing, guess what: I’m here! I don’t label myself! & I am very happy the way I am. Don’t feel pressured to label yourself if you don’t feel like any particular one fits you.
Happy Pride!!!! Remember: this month is about loving yourself, accepting yourself, & doing the same for your LGBT siblings.